her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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