just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
