There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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