I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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