if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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