I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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