You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
