What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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