he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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