Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
