I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
