i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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