We need to rekindle our bromance
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
