one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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