Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
