We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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