I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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