I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
