I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
