already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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