I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
