erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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