so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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