just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
