If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize