My first STD was from a foam party
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
