the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
