The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
