I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
