why didn't you poke me back
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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