My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
