So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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