If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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