did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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