Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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