I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
