I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
