should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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