Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
