Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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