I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
