I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
