No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
