I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
