Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
