I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
