There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
