I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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