i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
