..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
