You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
