His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's great music for shaving your balls
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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