and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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