I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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