ya dads aren't the best wingmen
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize