Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
