so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
