bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize