just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
