Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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