just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
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