I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The Olympian is in my bed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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