I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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