Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
