I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
