So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I checked into jail on foursquare
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
