Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Did I show you my penis last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
