Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
