I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
