it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
