I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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