Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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