Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize