CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
