im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
