Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
